Real Screwup II

Here is the story Frank told me about how he lives in the past. He tries to keep in shape, and he will work out at the gym thrice-weekly, spending about 45 minutes or more on the elliptical machine after lifting some weights. He drives himself hard on the machine, believing that this is good for his heart and general bodily constitution. In order to work out as hard as he does, he has to "fool" or "occupy" his mind, because he isn't one of those who wears an IPOD or other listening device when working out. He also likes numbers, and so here is what he does.

Rather than setting as his goal a certain number of minutes on the elliptical, he will take the sum of the calories expended and the distance traveled, in hundredths of miles, and go until it reaches 1450 (It took me a while to understand this, but now I am tracking Frank). Well, the first three or four hundred aren't bad, but since he pushes himself really hard, the next 1000 calories/hundredths can be a strain. How does he distract himself? By recounting events that happened in the year that represents the sum of the calories consumed and distance traveled. For example, when he gets to about a total of 740, he thinks, "Ah, Charlemagne was born in 742," and he imagines Charlemagne's youth. This gets him to 775 or so, and then he says, "Yes, in this time he took the Lombards," and he reminisces on what he knows about that conquest. When Frank gets to 800 calories/hundredths, he says, "Yes, in 800 was the crowning of Charlemagne as Holy Roman Emperor by the Pope," and then thinking about this can carry Frank easily to 900 because he has to recount the various interpretations of that event.

Finally, Frank gets to 911 and says, "Ah, Cluny." That is all he needs to say because he is referring to the monastic revival that came about in the 10th century. He then will imagine the reunion of the monks in 921 and 931, as they celebrated the spreading of the Cluniac ideal. He will wonder when he gets to 950 if there were any still alive who were there at the beginning of Cluny.

Well, you see the point. Frank could go on nearly forever, but he quits at about 1450 because he is physically exhausted and sweating profusely. The last thing he often thinks about is the burning of Hus at the stake during the Council of Constance (1414-1418). Not a particularly edifying thought, but it gets him to the end of his workout.

Working Life

So, you are getting a sense of who Frank is. He has gotten several jobs in life, all of which are at the most illustrious institutions in the state where he lived, but they never last more than a few years. He doesn't seem to want to be "on task" with what they want him to do. He says he is interested in thinking about other things. In his performance reviews he is usually praised for his imaginative thinking, but he is always scored for either his seeming rigidity of views (I guess that means that he just wants to listen to his own "angel") or his inability to "fit in" to what is going on. One supervisor used the word to Frank that he wasn't able to "make traction" with the department.

Rather than being helpful to Frank, Frank wanted to probe why his supervisor used the word "traction." He knew his supervisor was originally from MI, and so Frank wanted to inquire whether his supervisor had childhood memories of car wheels spinning in the snow, that is not getting "traction," which might explain why he was using that image in reviewing him (Frank) in the present. The supervisor seemingly didn't understand where Frank was going with this question, and must have chalked it up again to Frank's inability to "fit" in the institution.

And so Frank gets fired. All the time. He can see it coming, even before anyone else can. He knows when he has "lost touch" with people in a working relationship, and knows that the end result is that they will ultimately have to fire him. They will give explanations, like "losing traction" or something like that, but Frank knows that it goes back to his inability to connect with the people.

Friends

Franks ineptitude in filling out forms and following directions, and his frequent firing from jobs, has caused bemusement, embarrassment and even shame when he faces his friends. Well, let's just say that Frank doesn't have many friends. He doesn't have them because usually friends have to share some things in common, and Frank's "peers" are always highly successful people, and they just don't seem to understand why things don't work out for Frank. Or, they don't tell him--maybe they understand perfectly well why Frank screws up time after time, but they just don't want to ruin his day with the truth. Or, most likely, they are busy with their own lives and simply don't have time to spend their lives worrying about Frank's condition. Nevertheless, Frank feels a bit embarrassed with these friends, because they are well recognized, compensated and highly honored in their fields, but he has really nothing of professional accomplishments to show for his 30 years or so since college. His marriage ended after his wife went after a more interesting man, from her perspective, and Frank has been reluctant to try to entrust himself to another woman, believing that connections with women might not be possible for him, too.

The Bottom Line

Thus, Frank lives his life. Every day he tells me he is grateful for the day, and he spends his time devising his new venture which he believes not only fulfills his interests but may some day be profitable. But he really lives in a very confused way. He knows he needs some help to be able to connect with the world, but he isn't confident of his ability even to find the help to do it. He is a very nice guy, smart and right on task, with an amazing array of diverse talents and interests, but he lives a solitary life because he knows that the employment, friendship and relational life for him has been fraught with peril. He finally is admitting that he is an amiable screwup, after having thought all along that he just wasn't working hard enough or that the "big break" hadn't yet come. But he knows that he lives in his own world now, his own tube. He knows it to be a beautiful world, and wishes sometimes that others would share it. But he doesn't have a clue as to how to get the word out. Any suggestions for me to give to my friend Frank? Thanks in advance, as they say.